Becoming the Person You Want to Be

Becoming the person you want to be can be difficult, especially in that it is often hard to define and frequently changes as we grow and experience life. However, the journey, while almost never void of challenges, can be an exciting and rewarding one.

Our identity is heavily shaped by our past and the way we were treated as children. If you were treated poorly, then you may have learnt that ‘who you are’ is deficient in some way, or simply bad. If you were treated well, then it is more likely that you are comfortable with yourself and even secure.

Other people can be a huge influence on our lives and the way we feel about ourselves, but what holds us back most is fear. Many fear that who they are is not enough: not good enough, not strong enough, not impressive enough. Some also fear that if this is found out, they will be met with rejection.

Some fear they’ll become the person who hurt them (especially if it was a family member); others, that they’ll never find out who they were meant to be before they were hurt. And most of all, almost everyone who has been hurt in the past has a fear of it happening again.

Becoming the person you want to be always includes healing past wounds. Many people pretend to be someone they’re not in order to be accepted or to avoid hurt, but this never brings true peace. In order for us to become the best version of ourselves, we have to face the darkest parts of ourselves. It may take time. It may take tears. It will almost definitely take support from others, but only when that darkness is faced and conquered can we be truly free of it.

We were all designed as unique, precious and full of potential. When we are operating in full peace – totally content with who we are – we have the opportunity to not only enjoy life, but to make a difference in the lives of others as well.

It’s important to realise that our identity is not always a fixed thing however. As we grow and overcome trials, we may redefine ourselves as stronger and more mature. People who are a positive influence may also encourage us to be more confident, to achieve higher goals, to see things differently, and to be comfortable in who we are. A part of this process is learning to be kind to ourselves and to appreciate the things that make us singular as well.

Our identity should never be despised or stagnant, nor should we define it by our behaviour: the things we have done in the past do not have to define what we do now, and we should always be able to separate our behaviour from our inner character. Just because we may act badly sometimes doesn’t mean we are bad, any more then acting good makes us good. At the core of your identity is your heart – a heart that may be broken, full of negative feeling, but one that can be healed and purified.

If this is you, know it is possible to become totally secure in who you are, even happy and proud. Everyone has something to offer. Once you have found the healing you need, you may find you have a new courage to grow towards the person you want to be, while, as always, accepting yourself as a work in progress. It may mean standing out from the crowd. It may mean coming to terms with the things you’ll never be. But it also means being free of a controlling fear, and finding an identity you can be content with.

With a fresh year upon us, there's no better time to take that first step.